‘Fear has a new name…’
Hazard Jack is a 2014 American slasher horror film directed by David Worth (House at the End of the Drive; Shark Attack 3: Megalodon; Shark Attack 2; Warrior of the Lost World; Poor Pretty Eddie) and starring Amanda Maddox, Alison Lani and Macauley Gray.
Review:
Pity poor Jack. Returning from serving his country and suffering with a particularly bad dose of post-traumatic stress disorder, he then finds he has been let go by his employer, the only source of comfort and routine he had left. Seeing little option but to roam around an abandoned hospital, biceps bared but face shielded by a large welders-type visor, he awaits trespassers to take out his anger on.
Luckily for him, a group of alleged teenagers decide it would make the ideal venue for their annual paint-balling contest. There are three distinct factions within their number; a gaggle of vacuous, lust-crazed airheads; a couple of quieter more thoughtful types; two homosexual characters, leaving only someone in a wheelchair out of the catch-all demographic.
A sniff of alcohol is all it needs for these three groups to split up and for the dumbos to commence a game of strip target practice with the paint guns, a sequence which seems to take up half the film. The two young ladies (helpfully introduced as “Slut One and Slut Two”) comprise of so much plastic, they’ll be keeping cockroaches company in millennia to come, whilst the blokes both wear bandanas – they aren’t the most endearing types.
Slowly, Jack (Quincy Taylor), offs the offending and offensive youths one by one, using an array of tools he presumably used to use in his day-job, including a nail-gun, flamethrower (!) and a power drill.
Helpfully, some of the teens have tied each other up in readiness for a spot of light bondage, the blindfolds they’re also wearing making Jack’s work somewhat easy. Despite the cavernous hospital literally spewing corridors and hidey-holes, the youngsters find themselves bumped off one-by-one by the ambling killer, preferring to hide in wall cavities than just walk out of the unlocked front door.
A surprise pregnancy announcement, some interrupted fellatio which is being filmed on the male participant’s phone and some contemplation in the hospital chapel (!) bring us mercifully to the film’s ending, as well as our will to live.
Director, Worth, is probably best known for his 80’s fare Kickboxer and Bloodsport, the dialogue from which was seemingly ripped into tiny shreds and randomly reassembled to be used here. This is truly dreadful stuff, at no point offering any hope of suspense, violence or thrills, cheap or otherwise, rendering it as a disaster as both a film and, more specifically, a slasher.
The ‘kids’ (average age approximately twenty-seven-years-old) have absolutely no back stories of interest, the two gay characters throwing the LGBT’s work back several decades and the girls, the plastic surgery industry about the same. Jack himself, presumably a wrestler at some point, communicates in grunts for reasons left unsaid, hopefully, the authorities stopped his benefits for using work tools for his own selfish means.
The spilt blood is of the squirty food-colouring kind and the slayings ultimately yawningly tame, despite the array of tools used and the odd heart ripped beating from its cavity. The sex and nudity is equally tiresome, not so much ‘softcore’ as ‘padded’.
There’s no reason why the slasher shouldn’t make a comeback but Hazard Jack is simply empty; no character, no scares, no excitement. If someone pointed to this as to why they didn’t like horror films, you’d be hard pushed to argue against them.
Daz Lawrence, MOVIES & MANIA
Buy DVD: Amazon.com
Other reviews:
“Hazard Jack will not be anyone’s favorite movie anytime soon, but I do think it is deserving of at least one viewing. I think men between the ages of 18 and 28 will enjoy it the most based on the violence and never-ending shots of boobs.” Horror Society
“What this movie does have in spades are the most obtuse, lifeless, and drab characters I’ve seen in a long time. Not once did I ever feel any fear for these people’s lives. I often rooted for the killer to off them in different ways; however, the killer is also dismal and insensate … The writing in this movie is abysmal. It almost seemed like they didn’t have much direction whatsoever.” Shawn Handling, Horror News
Buy Blu-ray: Amazon.co.uk
“Approach Hazard Jack expecting quality and you’re barking up the wrong tree. Approach this expecting gory nonsense with amateur acting and low production values and you’ll be suitably entertained. The first half of the film can be a little hard going at times but rest assured the delicious killings and sexual shenanigans make up for this come the second half.” My Bloody Reviews
“A must-see for fans of slashers that want gratuitous sex, bimbos and lots of blood. It may not be to everyone’s liking but Hazard Jack is fun and gory which is no doubt what the director wanted. A fantastic gorefest.” James Simpson, UK Horror Scene
