THE VELOCIPASTOR (2018) Reviews and overview

 

‘The man of the claw’

The VelociPastor is a 2018 American comedy action horror feature film about a priest that turns into a dinosaur to fight evil.

Written and directed by Brendan Steere (Animosity; Dead by Dawn), the movie stars Gregory James Cohan, Alyssa Kempinski (Animosity), Daniel Steere, Yang Jiechang, Jesse Turits and Fernando Pacheco de Castro.

Plot:

After a devastating family tragedy, a priest travels to China to find deeper spirituality but instead is endowed with an ancient ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first, he is horrified by his newfound superpower, but a local call girl convinces him to use his newfound gift to fight evil – and ninjas…

Reviews:

“Unfortunately, the fun never gets beyond the idea of the premise, what’s on paper never truly materializes into the images promised in the artwork. The acting is sketchy at best, the cinematography and production design are on the level of my high school German videos…” Allusions of Grandeur

“So, it’s offensive. What did you expect? A little faux grindhouse goes a long way. Even at seventy-one minutes, VelociPastor is really dragging the joke out. Still, it has the twin virtues of being nuttier than Machete and less brutal than Hobo with a Shotgun, if that helps you place it.” J.B. Spins

” …the majority of the movie has no comedic or parodic moments and instead is just truly painful to sit through. At its best moments, The Velocipastor does stand true as “so bad, it’s good” movie, being worth a chuckle or two, but these moments are rare in this drawn-out and unbearable flick.” Movieweb

“If you are someone who usually avoids movies of this type, rest assured that so am I, so when I say that The VelociPastor is that rare gem — a parody pastiche that works, and that provides laughs instead of groans — I am not giving my recommendation lightly.” That’s Not Current

“Every moment of bad dialog, cheesy special effect, excessive laughter, and cliche montage are all built perfectly for laughs. The cast and crew made no attempt at pretending to be serious which allows the fun to pour out from everywhere.” Two Oh Six

“While the film is probably way too knowing and doesn’t always maintain the right balance of comedy and drama in the performances (the actors are all way too good for the material) the film always manages to entertain. Running a scant 70 minutes VelociPastor never overstays its welcome.” Unseen Films

“I do wish we’d seen more of Father Jones reptilian incarnation, as rubbery as it is. And if you’re going for a grindhouse vibe, you really need to deliver the goods. Kempinski has done nudity before, why play coy with the sex scenes in The VelociPastor? But overall The VelociPastor does deliver as goofy entertainment.” Voices from the Balcony

“Greg Cohan plays the perfect lead in velociraptor form showing the lookalike ability of a Chris Pine and the killing machine tendencies of Michael C. Hall’s Dexter with a dash of a young Matt Damon for good luck. It is better than a film titled Velocipastor should be. There was passion and a sense of humor behind it from the filmmakers who seemed to have fun.” Without Your Head

“Writer/director Steere has a good attitude and approaches this ludicrous premise with a solid balance of deadpan comedy and over-the-top shamelessness.  Hilarious examples include poker-faced dialogue while jittery cinematographer Jesse Gouldsbury calls attention to the production’s rough edges.  The humour skates close to being too self-aware, but stops short of being self-indulgent.” Wylie Writes

Release:

The VelociPastor will premiere on DVD and Digital via Wild Eye Releasing on August 13, 2019, on such platforms as iTunes, Comcast, Spectrum, Dish, Vudu, Amazon, Fandango and Sling. A Blu-ray release followed on September 17th 2019.

Cast and characters:

Alyssa Kempinski … Carol
Nicholas M. Garofolo … Hobo
Claire Hsu … Chinese Villager
Greg Cohan … Doug Jones (as Gregory James Cohan)
Aurelio Voltaire … Altair
Fernando Pacheco De Castro … Frankie Mermaid
Jesse Turits … Sam the White Ninja
Zachary Steere … Dinosaur Suit Performer
Alec Lambert … Thug
Daniel Steere … Father Stewart
Kurt Voltmann … Goliath
Dan Rhoades … Vietnam Soldier 2
Erik Oh … Choi-Min
George Schewnzer … Doug’s Dad
Jiechang Yang … Wei Chan

Filming locations:

Manhattan, New York City, New York

Technical details:

75 minutes

Trailer:

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