MY BLOODY VALENTINE (2009) Reviews of the slasher remake

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My Bloody Valentine is a 2009 American slasher horror film, and a remake of the 1981 film of the same name. It was directed and edited by Patrick Lussier (TrickDracula 2000; Dracula II and Dracula III) from a screenplay written by Todd Farmer (Trick; The Messengers and sequel; Jason X) and Zane Smith.

The movie stars Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Betsy Rue, Edi Gathegi, Tom Atkins, Kevin Tighe, Megan Boone, Karen Baum, Joy de la Paz, Marc Macaulay and Todd Farmer.

The film was released on January 16, 2009, by Lionsgate to generally mixed reviews but nevertheless was a huge box office success. My Bloody Valentine was the first R-rated film to be projected in Real D technology and to have a wide release (1,000 locations) in 3D-enabled theatres. Worldwide it grossed over $100 million from a $15 million budget and it greatly helped propel the 3D boom.

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Plot:
Tom (Jensen Ackles) returns home to the small mining town of Harmony on the tenth anniversary of the Valentine’s night massacre that claimed the lives of twenty-two people.

Instead of a homecoming, however, Tom finds himself suspected of committing the murders – and it seems that his old flame (Jaime King) is the only one who believes he is innocent…

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Our review:
Obviously, My Bloody Valentine is a remake of the 1981 Canadian splatter movie of the same name, one of many copies of the original Friday the 13th, cranked out when studios found young ticket-buyers with an insatiable appetite for cheaply-produced, graphically explicit murder flicks with a holiday-tie-in. If you were very, very lucky, there might be a “whodunit” aspect to the plot and some almost-decent acting.

That’s the case with the 2009 MBV, which not only has a climactic twist (done far better [SPOILER ALERT] in Fight Club, we have to admit) but also well-executed 3D special effects.

In a small, dreary mining town called Harmony (described by one resident as “inbred”), a miner who was trapped in a Valentine’s Day cave-in, Harry Warden, earns notoriety by fatally pick-axing to death all the miners stuck with him. We’re told Harry revived in the hospital and killed even more clinic personnel and partying teens before being chased, gravely wounded, into the bowels of the mine.

On the ten-year anniversary of the slaughter, one of those who barely escaped Harry, Tom Hannigan (Jensen Ackles) returns to town to take ownership of his family’s mine. An old high-school love triangle is rekindled between Tom, the volatile young sheriff Axel (Kerr Smith) and Axel’s betrayed wife (Jaime King). Coincidentally, a shambling figure in a gas mask and mining gear recommences pick-axing townspeople and ripping out their hearts to make grotesque Valentine “chocolate” assortment samplers. Is Harry still alive – or is it some other maniac? Hard to say, as just about everyone in the inbred community is sullen, shifty, foul in tongue and manner and potentially homicidal.

The three-dimensional visual gimmickry exploits the expected f/x, such as an eyeball popping out; others are more spooky and subtle, like the slow sweep of a rifle barrel or the lighthouse-like beacon of the killer’s flashlight-helmet. These worked quite nicely on the big-screen canvas, I can report from first-hand experience; you may be less impressed on the “flat” 2D version on home video. It’s only in the last 15 minutes or so with many items poked and thrown in one’s face that it revives bad memories of Spy Kids 3D (ouch).

Filmmakers also seldom hold back in terms of violence, swearing and a prolonged scene of female nudity. It may or may not be a plus that this shocker treats the whole plot seriously, rather than playfully parodying the clichés of such shockers the way the popular Scream movies do, but neither does director Patrick Lussier make any pretence that he’s doing Great Art with all this gory gravitas.

In sum, better than average for just another not-really-required remake of yet another calendar-red-letter-day slasher film of the 1980s, which itself was not really required either. Best experienced if you can find it still exhibiting in an actual 3D-equipped cinema auditorium. Good luck with that.
Charles Cassady Jr, MOVIES and MANIA

Other reviews:
My Bloody Valentine is one of the better horror remakes of recent times, though for some reason it is always unjustly overlooked. With its small-town setting, formidable antagonist, careful characterisation and frequently creepy atmosphere, it’s an effective update of the classic slasher film formula.” Behind the Couch

“There’s nothing sweeter that watching a film that knows exactly what it is. At no point does Patrick Lussier’s My Bloody Valentine 3D pretend to be anything but a mindless slasher film […] The film is jammed with great kills, loads of gore and plenty of laughs…” Bloody Disgusting

“The finale provides audiences with a clever reveal, and one that I hoped would lead to a sequel. My Bloody Valentine is a remake that actually tries to offer audiences an ode to the original black comedy, while also unfolding a storyline that’s entertaining and fast-paced. As a slasher fanatic, this more than satisfied my appetite.” Cinema Crazed

” …the makers of the My Bloody Valentine (2009) redux clearly knew what made the best early 1980s slashers tick. While it is never going to be great art, it is great fun – a bonus on the increasingly soulless remake conveyor belt.’ J.A. Kerswell, Teenage Wasteland: The Slasher Movie Uncut

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“My Bloody Valentine 3D is not a masterpiece, but it wasn’t trying to be. Lussier and company knew exactly the kind of movie they were making here, and the film has heart to spare. Of course said heart is dripping with blood and lying in a candy box, but isn’t that the point?” Dread Central

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“The original Valentine was lethargic and nearly as atrociously acted as the remake, but it contained a particular grit and tonal unease. The new My Bloody Valentine is a sleek joke the audience is already in on, depriving the film of any surprise.” DVD Talk

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