Elves – USA, 1989 – reviews

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‘They’re not working for Santa… anymore’

Elves is a 1989 American supernatural horror film directed by Jeffrey Mandel from a screenplay co-written with Mike Griffin and Bruce A. Taylor. It was produced by Mark Paglia (Alien Seed). It stars Dan Haggerty (Axe Giant; The Chilling), Deanna Lund, Ken Carpenter, Julie Austin, and Borah Silver.

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When teenager Kristen (Julie Austin) accidentally cuts her hand during an “Anti-Christmas” pagan ritual with her friends in the woods, the resulting spilled blood awakens an ancient demonic Christmas elf.

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The elf is the central figure in a modern-day Neo-Nazi plot to finally bring about the master race that Hitler had always dreamed of conquering the world with. Rather than a race of pure-blood Aryans, it is revealed that Hitler instead dreamed of a race of half-human/half-elf hybrids.

Kristen is also a figure in this plot as she is the last remaining pure-blooded Aryan virgin in the world, her grandfather being a former Nazi who was once involved in the plot (but is now reformed); he is also her father, as inbreeding was somehow considered crucial to maintaining a pure Aryan bloodline.

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Meanwhile, Mike McGavin (Dan Haggerty) is an ex-cop who lost his badge when he lost control of his alcoholism. Jobless, penniless, and recently served a notice of eviction from his ramshackle trailer home, winds up becoming the store Santa after the previous Santa is murdered by the elf…

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Reviews:

“Sure, the plot’s ludicrous, the script is unbelievable, the elf could look better and gets overshadowed by other villains in its own film, and the acting runs from over-the-top to not-trying-at-all while hitting every point in between. But, in a movie like Elves, those serious weaknesses are also charms.”James Lasome, Horrorfreak News

“It might seem that because the film is so bad it’s funny, it would be worth a watch. It’s not – the plot ambles along so slowly, so pointlessly, that Elves is only recommended for those hardcore viewers who completely love bad movies for whatever reason.” Ryne Barber, HorrorNews.net

“Regardless, if you find yourself entertained by the worst of the worst, then I cannot encourage you enough to seek out an evening spent with Elves.” Chuck Norris Ate My Baby

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“It’s a Christmas movie, so we must have Christmas Witches, Nazi Scientists, Rubber Elf Puppets, and an evil plot to create a master race of elves vs The Valley Girls and Grizzly Adams. You just can’t make stuff like this up. Unlike other stinkers like The Beast of Yucca Flats, this movie did not even have the common courtesy of being brief…” Ruthless Reviews

“The continuity, acting abilities, logic, and gore effects are infamously terrible. However, there is no better Christmas Horror movie for 2016 than this, due in large part to the thematic subtexts running rampant all over this trash pile of cinematic adventure.” BJ Colangelo, Blumhouse.com

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“…Elves is the perfect example of a so-bad-it’s-good film, because… even though it’s badly written and directed, poorly paced, packed with terrible acting and totally deserves a 4/10 rating, there’s so much wacky shit going on, you just have to love it, especially because of the absolutely outrageous plot.” Maynard’s Horror Movie Diary

” …hear about how Noah’s Ark had elves; hear about how “girls” are the “master race”; see Grizzly Adams smoke non-stop… even while brushing his teeth (!!!); experience the acid trip that happens when you kill an elf and much, much more! Recommended for lovers of shitty movies.” Happyotter

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Choice dialogue:

Rubinkraur: “When there is no more room in Hell, the elves will walk the Earth!”

Mike McGavin: “What are you? A goddamn Nazi or something? Is that elf yours?”

Mike McGavin: “You demented, perverted son-of-a-bitch, you make me sick!”

Cast and characters:

  • Dan Haggerty as Mike McGavin
  • Julie Austin as Kristen
  • Deanna Lund as Kristen’s mother
  • Borah Silver as Kristen’s grandfather
  • Dean Valley as Stan
  • Mansell Rivers-Bland as Rubinkraur
  • Christopher Graham as Willy
  • Laura Lichstein as Brooke
  • Stacey Dye as Amy
  • Emilio Shane as Doug
  • Gregory Fletcher as Lee
  • Lyle Carter as Steven
  • Monica Kelly as Cassie
  • Jen Craze as Jessalyn
  • Kyle Tapp as Ross
  • Gary Zame as Jed
  • Courtney Heather Simpson as Katie
  • Kenny Clarks as Sam
  • Winter Monk as Kurt
  • Jeff Austin as Emil
  • Allen Lee as Dr. Fitzgerald
  • Paul Rohrer as Prof. O’Conner
  • Ken Carpenter as Shaver
  • Michael Tatlock as Hugh Reed
  • Michael Herst as Sgt. DeSoto
  • Chris Hamner as Kevin
  • D.L. Walker as Dave
  • James Albert as Mark

Filming locations:

Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA

Related:

The Elf

Ho, Ho, Horror! Festive Fright Films – article

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