‘The most feared monsters in cinematic history have met their match’
Stan Helsing is a 2009 Canadian-American comedy horror parody feature film written and directed by Bo Zenga (executive producer of Scary Movie and Turistas). The movie stars Steve Howey, Kenan Thompson, Diora Baird and Desi Lydic.
Stan Helsing (Steve Howey) is an underachieving employee at a video rental store named Schlockbuster. His teen-aged boss Sully orders him to drop off a bag of movies to the mother of the store’s owner or risk not having a job Monday morning.
Despite his arguments, he agrees to the request and manages to get his friend Teddy (Kenan Thompson), his ex-girlfriend Nadine (Diora Baird) and blonde massage therapist Mia (Desi Lydic) to take him there before they attend a Halloween party, even though it’s on the other side of town.
En route, to Stan’s surprise, he spots Lucky, the living doll (Jeff Gulka), who makes rude gestures in the van next to them. Because of this disturbance, they miss their exit and decide to take a shortcut.
They come across a gas station where the sick owners tell Stan that he may be related to the legendary Abraham Van Helsing, the monster hunter. They depart and after finding Stormy Night Estates, they discover the attendants never put gas into the car.
After they leave, they discover that all the citizens, including their waitress, Kay (Leslie Nielsen), were actually dead due to a massive fire that consumed the town ten years earlier. They encounter several monsters including lookalikes of Pinhead, the hockey-masked killer Jason Voorhees, Chucky, Freddy Krueger, Leatherface, and a Jewish Michael Meyers…
The film apparently cost $14 million but took only $11,014,125 at the box office.
“Stan Helsing is sloppily made, committed to the lowest form of comedy to see itself to the end. Why play so aggressively crude? Zenga displays only a tenuous grasp on timing and delivery, throwing out whatever taboo, sexualized, or gross-out idea he can to keep the viewer interested. It’s a shame nothing in the film generates laughs, as the picture has energy to spare.” Blu-ray.com
“The jokes came fast and the jokes came furiously but very few of the jokes were funny […] The only thing that saved this parody is that it was STILL better than those Seltzer / Friedberg ‘parodies’ Date Movie and their brethren.” Film Critics United
“A detention hall filled with 14-year-old boys would probably demand greater sophistication […] By the time we reach the climactic karaoke smackdown, we have learned more about Freddy Krueger’s personal hygiene challenges — and how to make a shockingly bad movie — than we ever wanted to know.” The New York Times
“It’s not a great movie by any means, but compared to the Friedberg/Seltzer output, it looks like a masterpiece, and it’s got a handful of funny ad-libs and at least a couple of gorgeous women […] As for Stan Helsing, some of you would hate watching a bunch of faux horror icons performing a parody version of “YMCA”, and others might find it mildly amusing.” DVD Talk
“OK, questions: why is Michael Jewish? Why is Freddy done up like some late-80s rapper? Why is there but one murder of a non-important extra? Who green-lit this movie? It really is a train wreck of a film, made only worse when I learned that ‘Mason’ (Jesus wept…) was played by Ken Kirzinger, who played Jason – yes, Jason – in Freddy vs. Jason. Nothing in this film even flirts with being funny.” Vegan Voorhees
“It may not be as crude and offensive as the earlier Scary Movie films but it’s got its fair share of smut. There are a handful of decent scenes, probably the pick of which involves the characters stumbling onto the set of a hardcore gay p*rno featuring Frankenstein’s monster. But it’s slim pickings and they are too few and far between.”Popcorn Pictures
Cast and characters:
- Steve Howey as Stan Helsing
- Diora Baird as Nadine (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning)
- Kenan Thompson as Teddy
- Desi Lydic as Mia
- Leslie Nielsen as Kay (Scary Movie 3; Repossessed; Dracula: Dead and Loving It; Day of the Animals)
- Travis MacDonald as Hitcher
- Chad Krowchuk as Sully
- Darren Moore as Crazy
- Jeremy Crittenden as Altar Boy
- Jeff Gulka as Lucky (spoof of Chucky from Child’s Play)
- Ken Kirzinger as Mason (spoof of Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th)
- Ben Cotton as Fweddy (spoof of Freddy Krueger from A Nightmare on Elm Street) (Scar 3D)
- Lee Tichon as Michael Cryers (spoof of Michael Myers from Halloween)
- Twan Holliday as Pleatherface (spoof of Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)
- Charles Zuckermann as Needlehead (spoof of Pinhead from Hellraiser)
- Hilary Strang as Hippie Lady
- Ray G. Thunderchild as Husband
- John DeSantis as Frankenstein’s Monster
- Ryan Steele as the Wolfman
- Jeremiah Sird as Idiot Indian
Hollywood, Los Angeles, California
Cloverdale and Pitt Meadows, British Columbia, Canada
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
The film is known in some parts of Asia as Scary Movie 5, in Italy as Horror Movie and in Germany as Mega Monster Movie.