Million Dollar Crocodile aka Croczilla is a 2012 Chinese comedy monster movie directed by Lin Lisheng. The film stars Barbie Hsu, Guo Tao, Lam Suet.
First and foremost, Croczilla is a puzzling retitling of Million Dollar Crocodile, apparently China’s first monster movie.
Secondly, when you invoke the suffix of “Zilla,” you’re putting on some big shoes. Zilla, which is God’s last name (and by extension, Jesus Zilla), implies giant monsters crushing eye-full towers. The “monster” in Croczilla is a 24-foot crocodile that gets loose in China’s tea fields and crushes tall grass, vines and market crops.
The DVD cover of Croczilla shows a subway train-sized crocodile with the kicker line, “Japan was just an appetizer.” Not sure how a 24-foot Chinese female crocodile takes down Japan? You’d need a passport to get there for one thing. Secondly, the cover shows a heavily-armed helicopter overhead, waiting to blast Ah-Mel (the croc’s name, spelled phonetically as I can’t write Chinese until I’ve had my morning green tea and Jagermeister energy drink). There is no such helicopter – of any type, in this movie.
I could keep going and going about everything that is wrong here. Million Dollar Crocodile, an overly frantic woman’s stylish handbag, is eaten by Ah-Mel, which contains $100,000 Euros, referenced numerous times. Depending on the constantly fluctuating money exchange, this may or may not translate to one million dollars, which suggests the title is wrong again.
Million Dollar Croczilla has no gore, horrible over-acting and is played both dramatically and comedically at the same time. Neither work. The actual crocodile looks convincing enough, but only eats one fat person, which you don’t get to see. I would like to see a person, overweight or not, get eaten by a movie crocodile if it isn’t too much to ask. Apparently, it is.
Jeff Gilbert, guest reviewer via Drinkin’ & Drive-In
Full film free to watch online [may vary region-by-region]: