‘The ‘sharks’ are closing in … and time is running out!’
Shark’s Paradise is a 1986 Australian action crime film about an extortionist who threatens to lure hundreds of sharks to a popular beach at the start of the tourist season; his price to hold off the sharks is $2 million.
Directed by Michael Jenkins from a screenplay written by David Phillips from a story co-written by producer Carla Kettner, Greg Millin and Henry Tefay.
Shark’s Paradise opens with a drunken party-goer falling off a boat and to his shark-induced death. The police receive a cassette tape hilariously claiming credit for the attack. “I sent the shark… I could send a hundred sharks,” the tape ominously warns in a robotic voice, which manages to talk over itself as much as the characters of Shark’s Paradise. The police chief (John Paramor), believes it is a hoax, so puts his worst man on the job, Inspector Rossiter (Dennis Miller), who then puts his worst man on the job, Rod Palmer (David Reyne).
A slick, blonde-haired dork, Rod is given the job because, in Rossiter’s words, he doesn’t “smell like a cop.” Rossiter sets up a sidekick dream team for Rod. For some reason, he throws him two con-artists instead of policemen – Monty (Ron Becks) and Billie (Sally Taylor). The three idiots, under the unwilling leadership of Rod, set out to catch “the baddest crim in town” and solve the mystery of the shark attacks.
A silly plot indeed, but its delivery takes Shark’s Paradise into truly absurd territory. With the above synopsis, the film may sound to be a cheesy mystery-thriller, and it is, but every now and then Shark’s Paradise morphs into slapstick comedy.
With sped up scenes, slow-motion shark attacks, footage reserved and repeated (one of the strangest moments in the film), insane sound effects (and lack of sound effects), offensive yellow-face gags, cartoonish post-explosion makeup and an animated sparkle on a freeze-frame of the lead removing his sunglasses and acknowledging the camera, Shark’s Paradise sometimes seems like an extended episode of Tim and Eric. There’s even Scooby-Doo inspired moments (Hanna-Barbera co-produced the film), such as a cringey moment in the police station where characters zoom in and out of corridors until they bump into each other.
The film has a veritable treasure trove of inane dialogue. Ron Becks as Monty, the apparent “cool guy”, gives us relentless one-liners and rambling diatribes. In a scene where he escapes from a prison cell, he whispers, “Black magic, yeah… don’t mess with the kid.” What the hell?! And who could forget this corker: “What ya doing, man? Going undercover as a piece of seaweed.” Sally, the sort-of love interest almost outdoes Monty. Every line is delivered in a horrible faux-British accent: “Okay, where’s the coffee? I’ve been up to my neck all morning in sharks.”
Our hero, Ron, doesn’t get as many bad lines, but his stupid haircut, stilted performance and Home and Away good looks are funny enough. The real standout of the cast is John Paramor, who is possibly the worst police chief in movie history. He looks like a less threatening version of Zach Galifianakis – I kept expecting him to start screaming. As an added bonus, Australian exploitation legend Vince Gil (Mad Max; Body Melt) joins the cast as the film’s primary villain.
Weirdly enough, Shark’s Paradise is also pretty action-packed for a television movie. There are a few impressive action sequences including a painful-looking chase that ends on a water slide and a handful of solid helicopter and car stunts. The soundtrack is also a winner featuring songs from bands like INXS, Split Enz (it’s quite a blast hearing ‘Shark Attack’ over a particularly mental action montage), The Church and The Hoodoo Gurus. While the film often comes across as one big bloated advertisement for Surfers Paradise and it has distinctly mid-80s Australian television aesthetics, it’s quite competently put together too.
There’s only a handful of shark attacks, and really, they could barely be called attacks. We see some stock footage of various species of sharks, then a character thrashes around and disappears. However, the movie scores significant shark-brownie points for its shark-utilising villains. The idea of extortionists using sharks as a bargaining tool had me in stitches.
Sharks aside, Shark’s Paradise is definitely amongst the most entertaining films I’ve reviewed. Australians with a sense of humour about themselves may be left crying with laughter. And non-Aussies may have an even better time as they are presented this deranged advertisement for Queensland.
Dave Jackson, guest reviewer via Mondo Exploito
Cast and characters:
David Reyne … Rod Palmer
Sally Tayler … Billie Riley
Ron Becks … Monty Stone
Dennis Miller … Inspector Rossiter
John Paramor … Chief Insp. McGarry
Peter Sumner … Cooper
Peter Gwynne … Mayor
Sally Phillips … Mayor’s Secretary
Sean Scully … Detective Charlie Kelly
Lawrence Mah … Japanese Businessman
Craig Cronin … Mr Woods
Tracey Tainsh … Lorraine
Jill Loof … Joanie
Vincent Gil … Murphy
John Amos … Taxi Driver
Laurence Tyrrell … Constable
Rocky McDonald … Fowler
Ralph Cotterill … Dr Baxter
Tracey Reid … Lisa
Kevin Hides … Boat Marina Manager
Penny Jones … Miss Peabody
Veronique … Kate
Lynda Stoner … Mrs Axelmere
Ollie Hall … Smith
Bob Barrett … Guard
Adam Bowen … Bergen
Charles Boyle … Herby Grune