‘Possessed by Satan’s Shark!! Pray for her!’
Shark Exorcist is a 2015 American horror feature film directed by former Splatter Times fanzine editor and shot-on video Donald Farmer (Cannibal Cop; Red Lips; An Erotic Vampire in Paris; Cannibal Hookers; et al) from a screenplay co-written with [uncredited] Alaine Huntington (Hi-8).
Both Huntington and Farmer are in the cast alongside Angela Kerecz (The Intruder 3D; The Final Table), Bobby Kerecz (Deathwoods), Alaine Huntington, James Balsamo (Terror Telly: Chopping Channels; Bite School; Burn in Hell), Roni Jonah (Volumes of Blood; Sasquatch vs. Yeti), Megan Hunt, Madison Carney, Lexi Nimmo, Kirstin Vanhooser, Gretchen Mosby, Julia Contrenchis, and Christy Moritz.
Anyone familiar with Donald Farmer’s previous genre contributions, such as An Erotic Vampire in Paris and Cannibal Hookers (one of the first 1980s shot-on-video abominations), will be aware that despite the intriguing buzzwords ‘shark’ and ‘exorcist’ this 2015 effort is unlikely to show any marked improvement in his oeuvre. Unfortunately, such is the case.
Despite leaps in digital film quality – which means we can at least see what’s taking place in lieu of a plot – there is a singular lack in what normally qualifies as a scenario and acting to go with it. Most of the actresses either play monotone sniping bimbos or ‘posessed’ (the spelling on the end credits) women that flail around on the ground for what seems an eternity.
In an age of poor quality Syfy sharks a go-go, it may seem redundant to mention the CGI-rendered glowing-eyed shark on display here but this is really a truly sorry effort that doesn’t ever even interact with any of the cast. All we see is the feebly rendered critter moving towards its human prey and then a swift cut to some fake orangely blood accompanied by watery thrashing about by would-be thespians.
A truly annoying woman representing a “Ghost Whackers” paranormal investigative TV production, an interminable fairground sequence (largely accompanied by no sound, presumably because it was too noisy in reality), and a laughable exorcism scene shot mainly from one angle (rendering the confused priest in shadow for much of the time) round out the generally insulting levels to which Farmer’s filmmaking skills descend. It’s one thing to start out amateurishly back in the mid-80s but to still be churning this stuff out is as baffling as the concept of a Shark Exorcist itself.
Still, Donald’s having the last laugh because this piss-take is available on DVD in the US (Wild Eye Releasing) and UK (Kaleidoscope Home Entertainment) and he’s got Cannibal Cop coming out next… We can’t wait.
Adrian J Smith, MOVIES & MANIA
“If Shark Exorcist were even slightly better than it is I might be praising the chutzpah of the publicity team for coming up with the box art, but it isn’t. It isn’t even really a film, more a random, amateur sequence of scenes cut together that make no sense.” John Llewellyn Probert, House of Mortal Cinema