‘Dinosaur from the deep’
Jurassic Shark is a 2012 Canadian action horror film directed and edited by Brett Kelly (Konga TNT; Ouija Shark; Countrycide; Ghastlies; Raiders of the Lost Shark; Attack of the Giant Leeches) from a screenplay written by David A. Lloyd, with additional dialogue by Brett Kelly and Trevor Payer, based on Kelly’s story. Produced by Anne-Marie Frigon. Also known as Attack of the Jurassic Shark
The movies stars Emanuelle Carriere, Christine Emes, and Celine Filion.
When it comes to Spring Break, there’s nothing worse than having all of your plans ruined by a prehistoric shark.
I mean, let’s just ask the characters at the centre of Jurassic Shark. Jill (Emannuelle Carriere), Tia (Christine Emes), Kristen (Celine Filion), and Mike (Kyle Martellacci) were planning to spend their Spring Break taking a boat across the least impressive lake in Canada.
They thought it would be a good time but then the giant shark showed up, ate Mike, and left Jill, Tia, and Kristen stranded on a tiny island…
“Wait?” you’re saying, There’s a shark in a lake?”
“Sharks can’t live in lakes.”
This one can.
Because it’s prehistoric and sh*t. Hence, the name of the film.
“But if it’s prehistoric, what’s it doing alive in the 21st Century?”
Well, y’see, the shark was frozen in a glacier but then a big evil oil company did some big evil things and, as a result, the glacier either melted or it fell apart or maybe there was an earthquake or something and now, as a result, there’s a big prehistoric shark swimming around the lake.
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
It doesn’t have to make sense. It’s a Spring Break shark movie. Now, if I may continue my review….
Anyway, Jill, Tia, and Kristen are stranded on an island but it turns out that they’re not alone! Not only is there a random oil company scientist guy but there are also three suspicious-looking people who are dressed in all black and are carrying guns! It turns out that the people dressed in all-black are art thieves. They were attacked by the shark while trying to make a getaway with a stolen painting. Now, the painting is at the bottom of the lake and no one can retrieve it because of the prehistoric shark. However, once everyone gets together, surely they can figure out a way to escape with a minimal loss of life….
Nope! Not going to happen! Unfortunately, no one on the island is smart enough for the audience to really root for. Instead of working together, they just point guns and debate who is going to distract the shark while someone else gets the painting. This is a movie that will have you cheering for the shark all the way, which is probably the way it was meant to be. Out of everyone in the film, the shark’s got the most personality and it’s always easy to understand his motivations. He wants to eat. It’s as simple as that.
The main reason I watched Jurassic Shark is that it’s got a 1.5 rating on the IMDb and was, for a short while, the lowest-rated film on the entire site. Whenever I discover that a film is disliked by that many people, I simply have to watch it. As is often the case, I think the IMDb users are being a bit overly critical with Jurassic Shark. Yes, the film is pretty bad and the shark spends way too much time offscreen. There are way too many scenes of people slowly walking from one end of the island to the other. There are some major continuity errors and the CGI is really bad and there’s a scene that’s supposed to be set at night but the day for night lighting is so ineptly handled that it’s almost to follow what’s going on.
However — and here’s the thing — there’s absolutely nothing about this film that indicates that it was meant to be taken seriously. I think for a film to be truly terrible, it has to lack self-awareness. It has to be clueless as to how bad or silly or pretentious it is.
For better or worse, the makers of Jurassic Shark know full well that it’s a low-budget Z-grade horror film and that sets it apart from a serious relationship drama such as The Room or an environmentalist statement such as Birdemic. As easy as it is to criticise almost every aspect of Jurassic Shark, this is a film that features a slow-motion shot of a giant shark flying over someone’s head on a tiny lake. It’s a scene that is just ludicrous and silly enough to work.
Jurassic Shark may not be good but it’s not really pretentious enough to be terrible. If nothing else, it teaches the viewers an important lesson about how easily Spring Break can go wrong, especially when you’re celebrating in Canada. For the most part, it’s a forgettable film but it has just enough lunacy to occasionally be memorable.
Lisa Marie Bowman, guest reviewer via Through the Shattered Lens
Buy DVD: Amazon.co.uk
“Well, they will keep on churning out these ultra low budget monster flicks, and while many of them have considerable Z-movie charm, the odd few come through that pretty much have nothing going for them. Jurassic Shark is bordering on this: it’s only real saving grace is that there is clearly no intent here to actually make a good film, and the ladies are good looking!” Horror Cult Films
“When a shark film is so bad it makes Raging Sharks look like Jaws, you know you’ve reached rock bottom. To call Jurassic Shark a feeble effort would do that word a disservice. I honestly cannot believe that something as amateurish as this actually managed to get a DVD release. Even more unbelievable in the fact that chumps like me paid to see it.” Popcorn Pictures
“The sound sucks; it’s either echo or noisy, the photography is horrendous, the dialogue sounds fake and the actors, well, they do what they can while everything is falling apart. The shots are badly framed. The camera is shaky. The lighting is pretty much limited to daylight. The characters spoon-feed us what the writers want us to know but can’t figure out how to convey otherwise.” Tales of Terror
“Jurassic Shark is rather annoying in just about every regard. From the thick Canadian accents to the irritating editing (there are a lot of unnecessary fade-to-whites accompanied by a grating “whooshing” on the soundtrack) to the nonexistent action to the gratuitous slow motion, it all just kind of sucks. Sure, it’s far from the worst shark movie out there, but it’s certainly bad enough to make you swear them off for a while.” The Video Vacuum
This should be 0.5 but, perplexingly, Google doesn’t recognise ratings under 1
Full film – free to watch online on YouTube:
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