‘Now, horror has a new number’
976-EVIL is a 1988 horror film about a nerdy young man who calls the titular phone line and turns into a demonic killer. The title refers to the 976 telephone exchange, a now mostly defunct premium-rate telephone number system that was popular in the late 1980s.
Directed by actor Robert Englund (he also directed Killer Pad) from a screenplay co-written by Rhet Topham and Brian Helgeland (Trick or Treat), the movie stars Stephen Geoffreys (Moon 44; The Chair; Fright Night), Patrick O’Bryan, Jim Metzler and Sandy Dennis (Parents; God Told Me To). Kevin Yeager (Child’s Play) provided the film’s special makeup effects.
A sequel directed by Jim Wynorski, 976-EVIL II, was released direct-to-video in 1991.
Our review:
Ewwwwww! This movie reeks of stale cigarettes and Axe body spray!
976-EVIL tells the story of two teenagers named Spike (Patrick O’Bryan) and Hoax (Stephen Geoffreys). You know what? Whether your parents decide to name you Spike or to name your Hoax, your life is pretty much f*cked up from the minute either name is entered on your birth certificate.
Anyway, Spike and Hoax are cousins. Spike is the dangerous bad boy who rides a motorcycle and wears a leather jacket. Hoax is the really nerdy kid who worships Spike and who lives with his ultra-religious mother (Sandy Dennis). Hoax can’t wait until the day he and Spike ride across the country on their motorcycles. Spike is just busy trying to get laid and looking forward to heading out on his own.
Anyway, Hoax eventually gets tired of being picked on all the time so he decides to call the phone number mentioned in the film’s title. Hoax discovers that he has a direct line to Hell and the voice on the other end has some definite ideas for what Hoax could do to even the score. For instance, Hoax could cause spiders to attack Spike’s girlfriend. And, after that, Hoax could transform into a monster and attack the local bullies at their poker game.
“That’s a dead man’s hand!” Hoax announces, while literally holding up a dead man’s hand. That’s right! Turning evil means becoming a master of puns!
Uh-oh! It looks like Hoax has been possessed by evil! Even worse, the phone bill is huge! Those calls to the Devil aren’t cheap, you know! Can Spike defeat his cousin or will evil rule the day?
Now, I will say this for 976-EVIL: as annoying as Stephen Geoffreys is when he’s playing nerdy Hoax, he actually is a bit frightening as evil Hoax. For that matter, Patrick O’Bryan probably does about as good a job as you can do while playing a character named Spike.
But otherwise, 976-EVIL is nearly unwatchable. I mean that literally. The entire film appears to be covered by a layer of grime. Between the unappealing visuals, the poor dialogue, and the lack of appealing characters, there’s really not much in 976-EVIL to hold our attention. It might help if we felt bad for Hoax but, even before he calls the phone number, he’s such a weirdo perv that you just kind of want him to go away.
976-EVIL was the directorial debut of Robert Englund. I kinda hate to be so negative about the film because Robert Englund is such a good actor and he always comes across as being such a nice guy. If you haven’t already, be sure to get a copy of his autobiography, Hollywood Monster. Englund tells a lot of good stories and is admirably positive about being a horror icon. Unfortunately, though Robert Englund’s a great guy, 976-EVIL just doesn’t work.
Lisa Marie Bowman, guest reviewer via Through the Shattered Lens
Cast and characters:
Stephen Geoffreys … Hoax
Patrick O’Bryan … Spike
Sandy Dennis … Aunt Lucy
Jim Metzler … Marty
María Rubell … Angela
Lezlie Deane … Suzie
J.J. Cohen … Marcus
Paul Willson … Mr Michaels
Greg Collins … Mr Selby
Darren E. Burrows … Jeff
Joanna Keyes … Suzie’s Mother
Gunther Jenson … Airhead
J.J. Johnston … Virgil
John Currie Slade … John Doe
Demetre Phillips … Sergeant Bell
Filming locations:
Los Angeles, California
Technical specs:
92 minutes | 105 minutes (extended VHS version)
Aspect ratio: 1.85: 1
Audio: Ultra Stereo
Trailer [1080p HD]:
Free to watch online on YouTube [480p]:
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