‘Ultimate hunter, ultimate weapon’
Jurassic Thunder is a 2020 American comedy action horror feature film about weaponised dinosaurs developed by the Russians named “biologics”.
Directed by Milko Davis and Thomas Martwick (Tsunambee) from a screenplay written by the former, the movie stars Heath C. Heine, Rick Haak and Jon Cotton.
The last low-budget dinosaur flick this reviewer suffered through was British ‘auteur’ Andrew Jones’ Jurassic Predator (2018) which features a T-Rex puppet on screen for about five minutes during the whole mindless macho-orientated effort. And that seemed to be the same feeble shot repeated!
The puppets and CGI dinosaurs on show in Jurassic Thunder are at least a step up from the aforementioned Jurassic Predator. In fact, this isn’t far off the worst that the Syfy channel has spat out over the last few years (the increasingly piss-poor Sharknado movies have a lot to answer for in lowering the tone of what is acceptable to fans of this kind of schlock, even when tongues-are-clearly-in-cheeks). Hey, we at least get a smattering of zombies too.
Unfortunately, it seems that Milko Davis and Thomas Martwick are more interested in juvenile attempts at humour rather than the dinosaur action the promotional artwork promises or the zombies that pop up occasionally. Instead, we have to suffer sniggering Russians, a childlike African dictator and bad impressions of Trump (played by Heath C. Heine) behaving like a narcissistic, belligerent, infantile, oafish orange-tinged bully. With a President that has these character traits anyway, he’s not exactly a difficult target and repeatedly mocking him seems pointless.
Bickering military morons don’t add anything to the plot either except make it tiresome. It’s difficult to imagine most people expecting dinosaurs with big guns attached to the sides of their heads will want to suffer through seemingly endless scenes of sniping soldiers just to get a few glimpses of the giant rampaging lizards doing what was expected from the trailer.
Around the 76 minutes mark (minus end credits), there’s a poorly-rendered nuclear explosion and another groan-inducing “you’re fired!” ‘joke’ by the ersatz Trump, before it’s all over. Frankly, the end couldn’t have been more welcome.
There are a growing number of cheapskate dinosploitation movies that the world doesn’t need. In fact, the same talented team that brought us this jokey farrago previously foisted The Jurassic Dead (which was even worse) on us. Can we at least leave it to the Hollywood big boys to play with dinosaurs on a decent budget, please? They can mess it up too but at least we can enjoy the special effects on the way.
Adrian J Smith, MOVIES & MANIA
“Between an opening joke that refers to their audio as ZHX — Zombie instead of the T in THX — and a comic book opening that makes fun of probably everyone that’s watching this movie, this is a down and dirty blast of fun.” B & S About Movies
“For the most part, it’s painful to watch, the result of consuming a diet exclusively of comics and blockbusters and never once paying attention to what makes them tick under the surface. Its story makes no sense, its characters don’t even register as archetypes, its sense of humour is the “grimace” emoji wrought large, and it features a whole rainbow of casual bigotry.” Birth. Movies. Death.
“There’s nothing salvageable about Jurassic Thunder. Not even a clear homage to the G.I. Joe team earns them any points. This is a bad idea executed even worse. On the plus side I’ve found the bottom of my bad movie scale and it’s highly unlikely anything will top it.” Lyles Movie Files
“Of course the film has a few problems, namely in the effects department; but for me the low-budget nature of Jurassic Thunder is also part of its charm. In fact this film reminded me very much of the movies of Brett Piper – filled with great monster effects (the dinos look really good here, as do the zombies) but then said effects are combined with the actors performances through the use of old-school methods…” Nerdly
“The constantly flipping narrative is confusing and shallow. Lots of good ideas floating around, but none of them are fully fleshed out. What could be clever instead comes across as disorganized and sloppy. In addition to a storyline that fails to be cohesive, Jurassic Thunder has a real problem with humor.” Nightmarish Conjurings
“From a technical perspective, Jurassic Thunder is a joke, but not a funny one. Much of what goes on is obviously superimposed against background footage. It doesn’t even look green-screened, more like something from a 1950s film. And the CGI dinosaurs are even worse. The puppet in Killersaurus was more realistic looking.” Voices from the Balcony
Cast and characters:
- Heath C. Heine … President / Reporter / Hogan
- Rick Haak … General Hicks
- Jon Cotton … Colonel Sanders
- Dmitri Raskes … Yuri
- Elvis Sharp … Billy Wayne
- Ivan Pavletic … Boris
- Aga Kistler … Natasha
- Rich Richardson III … Striker
- Leon Mayfield … General Shoke
- Gina Di Tullio … Secretary
- Michael Love Toliver … Rebel Guard 2
- Ben Johnson … Trooper 2
- Nicole Goeke … Sarah
- Kasha Fauscett … First Lady
- Mia J Park … Abe