‘It’s not safe to swim anywhere’
Croc! is a 2022 British horror film about a crocodile that turns up uninvited to a wedding at a Tudor mansion in the English countryside.
Written and directed by Paul W. Franklin (short: Viola; writer of Haunted Hotel; Beneath the Surface), making his feature directorial debut.
Co-produced by Scott Jeffrey (Spider in the Attic; The Mutation; Bats; Bad Nun: Deadly Vows; Cupid; ClownDoll) and Rhys Waterfield (Dinosaur Hotel; Dragon Fury).
The Jagged Edge Productions movie stars Sian Altman, Mark Haldor, George Nettleton, Antonia Whillans, Chrissie Wunna, Stephen Staley, Beatrice Fletcher, Chris Cordell, Sofia Lacey, Kate Sandison, Richard Harfst, Clint Gordon, Sarah Alexandra Marks, Ellis Tustin, Amanda Smith and Samantha Fields.
Release:
Having had its world premiere at the Arrow Video FrightFest in London on August 25, 2022,
Croc! will be released by Uncork’d Entertainment on DVD and Digital on October 4, 2022. Rent or buy via Amazon Prime
“Croc! Is another highly entertaining horror film from the Jagged Edge production team,” said Keith Leopard, the President of Uncork’d Entertainment. “Like Jagged Edge’s recent Kingdom of the Dinosaurs, which we released in September, it’s absolutely super fun!”.
Our review:
Possibly a grotesque Luis-Bunuel-if-he-were-a-crap-filmmaker-coded statement against marriage is a defensible justification for Croc! Or am I being overly sentimental about all the tulle and trains blended with scales and gore?
Bridesmaids and groomsmen arrive in the country for the marriage of Lisa (Sian Altman) and Charlie (George Nettleton). Lisa’s macho father Dylan (Mark Haldor) is an adventurer-conservationist often based in Africa, and he even brought a gun. But in the long run, this counts for very little, as a drunken Charlie attempts to cheat on Lisa the night before the nuptials with a bridesmaid. But an insatiable crocodile interrupts and devours the woman.
The next day the beast attacks the ceremony, and everyone runs for their lives or barricade themselves indoors from the lurching animal who, like a mad slasher or Scooby Doo cartoon phantom, seems to be everywhere and can lash out with lightning speed at any time.
“You’re not living your best life right now,” one of Lisa’s friends comforts the crestfallen bride after one massacre, adding to the impression that first-time director Paul W. Franklin is making a very straight-faced farce. Other characters take aside the reverend to debate how a merciful God could permit any of this (the film or the monster lizard?). It sounds amusing in print, but onscreen at 80 and a bit minutes, not so much.
The computer-generated crocodile’s low-budget digital origins are betrayed by the beast almost never shown interfacing directly with the human actors, who are typically just yanked out of frame, with blood splashes to follow, plus nude lovemaking.
No sensible explanation is offered for the tropical reptile’s presence in the English countryside, or for you for watching. However, the question of which characters will survive at least maintains a modicum of interest.
Charles Cassady Jr, MOVIES & MANIA
Other reviews:
“This movie is ridiculous and I mean that in a nice way. There are just times that you want to watch crocodiles chomp down on the entire wedding party and this delivers exactly that. Man, everyone is losing the deposit on their tux rentals. Of course the bride fights in her wedding dress.” B&S About Movies
“There are attempts at drama such as a vicar having a crisis of faith and infidelity, but the audience knows that it’s all filler until the next kill. Perhaps don’t buy Croc! at full price when it becomes available, or even when it drops to half price.” Battle Royale with Cheese
“Director Paul W. Franklin puts our group into plenty of scary scenarios although it has to be said that the amount of people who fall over and get eaten is quite ridiculous […] It’s not perfect but it will satisfy some animal attack horror fans, and prove relatively entertaining.” Bloody Flicks
“Croc! is almost always ridiculous when any rational thinking is applied to the action as it unfolds. For example, this crocodile can open swimming pool doors. The many deaths in the jaws of the beast are rarely, if ever convincing. And almost all of the hapless victims stumble to eye level with the CGI Croc! before they are eaten.” Brit Flicks
“Britain’s answer to American giant Asylum has churned out yet another low-budget, but oddly entertaining, tale of carnage. Not one for those that need their characters layered and plot ironclad and free of holes, with the right frame and mind and crowd, Croc! has the potential to be a silly but fun way to waste eighty minutes.” 2 out of 5, The Hollywood News
“True, the finale is disappointingly tame, and yes, some of those kills get quite repetitive. But, at a sleek 80 minutes, the film never outstays its welcome. With its tongue planted firmly in its cheek, even the stiff acting and weird dialogue (taking in theological theory alongside all that croc-talk) is kind of fun.” Horror DNA
Likeable, silly, low-budget British schlock […] It slightly resembles that [REC] sequel set at a posh wedding – inevitably, the bride goes into bloody action still wearing her white dress and veil – but there’s also a streak of ladette comedy of embarrassment. But mostly it’s about a SyFy Channel-standard computer effect chomping on bloody limbs.” The Kim Newman Web Site
“With its hilariously gratuitous sex scenes, ropey CGI, highly questionable human behaviours, and endless asides on the messy quagmire of married life (which the featured creature improbably embodies), Croc! unapologetically emerges from the B-movie swamp. Even the title is a pun on the film’s sh*t status.” Projected Figures
“While it lacks the kaiju-sized thrills of Chinese films like Crocodile Island or the gore and outrageous plotting of Italian films such as Great Alligator River and Killer Crocodile, Croc! Is an enjoyable bit of monster mayhem. It’s also good to see some of Jeffrey’s films, which are frequently exploitation adjacent, start to deliver content that matches their plotting.” 3.5/5, Voices from the Beyond
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